I’ve been trying to come up with a short summary of my summer and have realized that short summaries are just not possible. In its entirety, my summer was quite amazing. There were no paramount events or incidences; just paramount change. I am not the same woman I was at the beginning of the summer, nor am I the same woman I was two weeks ago. The lessons I have learned this summer have shaped me into a new woman; a woman that knows herself better only because she knows her Maker better.
I had a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago which will probably stick with me for some time. The conversation merely consisted of our summers in summary, but it revealed much more. It was in that conversation that the very lessons I was describing were solidified in my heart.
I’m being vague only because there are so many lessons that are intertwined together; I cannot describe one without describing them all. And to describe them all would be a colossal project (for me to write and for you to read).
Oh, but summarize I must. What would the point of this post be, if I succeeded at communicating nothing?
Over the past year or so, I’ve spent extensive amounts of time forcing myself to rely on my logic and understanding for everything. I came to realize that my emotions were constantly pulling me towards desires and attitudes that did not reflect the heart of Jesus and therefore needed to stop. My conclusion was to turn off my emotional side altogether. Bad idea.
Through the fellowship of that conversation I came to realize that while my emotions can be very distracting (especially as a single female); I was created with emotion. I was created to live. To feel. While my emotions often rear some ugly heads, a life without passion is no life at all.
So I leave the summer behind and embrace my future with a fresh set of eyes. It is through these eyes that I can view all of the other lessons I learned this summer in full color. I came back from that conversation to an email that simply said, “Are you alive?” I replied, “Yes. Very much alive.”
“His principle can be quite simply stated: he refuses to die while he is still alive. He seeks to remind himself by every electric shock to the intellect that he is still a man alive, walking on two legs about the world. For this reason he fires bullets at his best friends; for this reason he arranges ladders and collapsible chimneys to steal his own property; for this reason he goes plodding around the whole planet to get back to his own home. And for this reason he has been in the habit of taking the woman whom he loved with a permanent loyalty, leaving her about (so to speak) at schools, boarding-houses, and places of business, so that he might rediscover her again and again with a raid and a romantic elopement. He seriously sought by a perpetual recapture of his bride to keep alive the sense of her perpetual value, and the perils that should be run for her sake.” G.K. Chesterton in Manalive