Caught up? Ok, great.

The jewelry store I work for has two locations; the second location is what we call The Fishbowl, for it has windows on all four walls and two of the walls are completely glass.

I also call it The Great White North for completely unrelated reasons.

One evening, in the not so distant past, my manager and I were pulling the jewelry from the cases and placing them securely in the safe. As we were pulling, Manager (whom we’ll call The Man) asked me to “keep an eye on that basket”.  “That basket” was full of pretty, very expensive things and was laying on top of the case. The Man had left it to carry his handful of other pretty things back to the safe. While this isn’t unusual protocol, my senses are always heightened when we’re pulling jewelery. While we’re very safe about it, it’s by-far our most vulnerable time of day.

I made a joke about the container of gems not doing any tricks and my keeping an eye on it was proving futile. That’s when I looked up. The intent was to do a quick scan through the windows of The Fishbowl, but my eyes stopped short and my heart skipped about 30 beats.

A man was standing outside in the 55 degree weather, wearing a large down black coat, and carrying a large black duffel bag. And he was staring in the window.

As his eyes glanced back and forth between me and “that basket”, I hurriedly picked it up along with what was in my hands and headed back towards the safe. In the threshold between the back of the store and our sales floor, I met The Man who made jokes about dancing.

At this point in time, I didn’t know what to think. Who in their right mind would rob  a store in a busy shopping center that everyone from every angle can see into? What was I supposed to do in this type of situation? The only action running through my mind was to get the stuff in the safe. And maybe hide. So in my type-A, work-mode panic I firmly told The Man to get up front. With a confused look on his face, The Man was still joking about dancing.

“Just get up front. Go. Please.”

Then I hid behind the safe door.

Our creeper ended up merely walking away but not before walking over to another window to stare at me again. After all was shut down, The Man walked me to my car where I collapsed into the drivers seat and locked my doors. Who knew that almost being robbed was so exhausting?

Please take a moment to find the irony between my new job and my old job.

I was nervous.

It’s not every day that you have the privilege of moving in with someone respectable and godly enough to hold that sort of position; director of an all-girls Christian camp. I didn’t want to mess up.

Over the months, living with this amazing woman broke down many barriers in my heart. Her constant desire to be my friend, and all-consuming love for the Lord taught me so much about life. Amidst all the lessons I was learning that first year out of college and being truly away from everything I had ever called home, some of the biggest lessons I learned were in her failures.

The first few weeks of living here, I had built up this ideal of perfectionism in my mind and she just happened to be living with me. Now, I knew she wasn’t perfect, but my actions and thoughts spoke differently. I was living the lie that she was, and that was to be my example to follow.

I really don’t remember when I came to the realization that she wasn’t perfect but when I finally did, I came to appreciate my roommate even more. She was and is who she says she is; a sinner saved by grace, trying to please the Lord in all that she does. She has done so much for me, but the biggest gift she had given me was her example. Through that example, I have learned that my life needs to be lived without masks, it needs to be lived plainly for all to see, and that a heart for the Lord can be the most contagious thing ever.

So, now that my dear friend is moving away, I thought it appropriate to share this. And if I give all the credit of these lessons and her character to her, she’ll kill me.

So, Miss Angie, I truly do thank the Lord for the work He’s done in your life. In observing His sanctifying power in your life, He has also taken the time to mold me towards Christ-likeness. And that is a legacy that will not be forgotten.

I promise to pray for you and Mike (see here and here) as you brave The Great White North for the first time together, and I doubly promise to come visit.

Our youngest attender was Chloe; she’s pretty much the cutest thing on two legs. Even though smiling wasn’t an option when we took this photo, she’s a ham. The lovely lady laughing is Ang, who is married to the other half of the party. She put a lot of effort into the party and the cakes. Thanks Ang!

As you remember, Mike and I are not from the same country and tried to play off that for the party. So, I made t-shirts. His said, “The Canadian,” and mine, “The American.” Naturally, I really messed up on his shirt, and mine is just fine. One of these days, I’ll take you through the process of screen printing and you’ll see why it’s easy to botch a shirt.

The invitations said, “Birthday presents welcome,” so these balloons made it into our hands. They’re a re-gift from someone else’s birthday two weeks before. Rock on. Thanks Brian. Thanks Tracy for opening up your home!

10 Reasons the U.S.A. Could Beat Up Canada

1/17/2008

In my previous post I made the offhand remark that the United States could probably beat up Canada. Apparently this remark didn’t sit so well with some of my Canadian friends, who felt compelled to vigorously defend both their country and their honor.So, to settle the question once and for all, I put together this exhaustive, comprehensive, all-inclusive list, citing 10 reasons that the US of A could beat up Canada. Before I say any more, it should be noted that in the summer of 2003 I actually spent three months living in Canada, which practically makes me an expert on the country. So, without any further ado, here are my 10 reasons that the United States could put a beating on Canada.1. The front of our one dollar bill shows a picture of our fearless first president, George Washington, who gave the British a royal beat down. The front of the Canadian one dollar coin shows a picture of a duck. Actually it’s a loon, which is why the coin is called a “loonie”. Need I say any more?2. Two words: Chuck Norris

3. Canada is ruled by a queen. We on the other hand have a guy from Texas who likes to eat his meat raw. AND, our vice president is known for shooting people. I’ll take W over Queen Elizabeth in a cage match any day.

4. We have Jason Bourne, Jack Bauer, and Rocky. Canada has…mounties? You’d think they could at least come up with a better name.

5. The Canadian military currently has approximately 65,000 troops. The US has approximately 1.3 million. Of course our troops aren’t called “mounties”, which does make a significant difference.

6. A significant portion of our population enjoys watching race cars go in circles at 200 mph for up to 500 laps. That says dedication. This same population enjoys shooting things.

7. We invented the Big Mac, the Whopper, the Super Size, and the 64 oz Slurpee. Of course this is also why we need privatized health care, but that’s besides the point.

8. Unlike Canada, and the rest of the world, we refuse to go metric. We don’t want to use a system where everything divides nicely into 10′s, 100′s, and 1000′s. No, we would rather remember figures like 5,280 feet and 16 oz.

9. Our national anthem is entitled “The Star Spangled Banner”, a stirring title that evokes patriotism and pride from even the most cynical heart. The Canadians managed to come up with the creative title “O Canada” for their national anthem.

10. Us Christians carry around large, oversized study Bibles, that weigh somewhere between 50 and 300 pounds (not kilos). If necessary, these could be used as weapons (in a loving and gentle way).

Well, I think that settles it once and for all. A careful examination of the evidence clearly indicates that the United States could beat the bacon out of Canada if necessary. But we love our Canadian friends and only wish them the best. Just stay away from our Big Macs…

Posted by Stephen Altrogge at 8:40 PM

Top 10 Reasons the U.S.A. Could Never Lay a Beating on Canada

10. Americans are fatter than Canadians. Fully 50% of Americans are overweight compared to 33.33% of Canadians. That means we are faster and nimbler in close hand-to-hand combat. Not only that, but we take less time to eat so we don’t need as many soldiers.

 

9. Canadians spend 10 months of the year very cold. We know how to endure hardship and catch fish when there is ice.

 

8. Canadians are much quieter than Americans – ask any European! Thus, we can sneak up on people like fierce Ninja Warriors and take care of business. Chuck Norris makes more noise than a polar bear on steroids just walking to his car – easy target.

 

7. Have you ever fought a Queen? Crowns puncture.

 

6. Two words: Tim Horton’s

 

5. We have an endless supply of Maple Syrup, and as everyone knows, maple syrup comes from maple trees.

 

4. From an early age, all our young men are trained in the art of “jerseying.” For those of you who think you need to say the word, “ice” before “hockey,” that means flipping an opponents upper body outerwear over his head to cover his face in less than one quarter of a second. Obviously, this leaves the enemy combatant in a state of complete helplessness… a move I would be pleased to demonstrate on a young Altrogge as soon as possible.

 

3. Tim Challies. You think 1539 days of consecutive blogging is something? You haven’t seen anything yet. All we have to do is say the word and Tim will unleash his lightening fast hands to produce over 200 words per minute of new content onto the internet, thus crashing all U.S. military defense systems in less than 48 hours.

 

2. Everyone knows that Americans have very little sense of humour, so, in the event of an attempted beating we would simply bring all our Canadian comedians and artists back to Canada… and bore you to death. Well, almost all of our Canadian artists. You can keep William Shatner.

 

1. If you attempt to cross our long, undefended border, we will make you eat poutine. And visit Quebec.

This will be my first joint birthday party that doesn’t involve my twin. I will be 24years and 23days old at the party. I don’t know how old Mike the Canadian will be. He is older than I.

Who knows what the party will hold. We’ve discussed a money tree. Any thoughts?